The Infamous Condom Hand-off

Everyman needs a wingman, I don't care how awesome you think you, there are just too many potholes on the very bumpy road to Pun Town, and it's a very beautiful feeling to be a member of Triple A.

However, it takes a very special someone to operate the way Sebastian and I do. There are Elite Black Ops Teams that can't pull off the stunts we perform under the pressure of enemy fire.

Example:
Girls - are you guys twins?
Sebastian - of course!
Me - fraternal...

There is never any of that looking at each other trying to guess what the other is going to say, its all creepily telepathic. However, there are times, where we really just impress ourselves.

One night we were out at the bar. It was me, Sebastian and his cousin. I met a girl, and she was with her friend Model. Girl, Sebastian, Cousin, and I drank as I watched Model get hit on endlessly by a barrage of guys that were lining up to buy her a drink.

As the night went on, I picked up "the vibe" from Girl. "The vibe" is when she laughs at everything you say, and her hands aren't holding just her vodka cranberry anymore.

I was unprepared for this, and sent Sebastian on a covert ops mission with Cousin. The objective was simple: get condoms, and somehow deliver the package without Girl seeing.

Last call came rather quickly, and Sebastian had yet to return. We all moved outside, and things got tricky, at this point it would be a little more difficult for Sebastian to just pull me aside and do a quick hand-off. Then I saw him and Cousin approaching. I always felt like this is one of those you had to be there moments, so I'll paint a little word picture for those who lacked the fortune of witnessing this.

My back was facing the street, Girl's back was facing the bar, Sebastian and Cousin were approaching from my 9 o'clock / Girl's 3 o'clock, and Model was off somewhere with a guy who was probably tying to pump one last drink into her.

As Sebastian was finishing up the last three steps on his approach, I dropped my left hand to my side, raised my right hand while holding my phone to ask Girl for her number, the instant she was distracted Sebastian walked by my 6 o'clock. I twisted my hips just enough to give Sebastian some cover, and without even looking down at my hand, he made a flawless hand-off while turning his back to me to face Cousin, as if nothing happened. Our hands connected without either of us looking, the package was passed off to me, and I was able to easily drop it into my back pocket. Even though he handed me like 7 of them (I guess he thought I was feeling really ambitious).

I could not have PLANNED it better. Those could have been MI6 top secret government files on condom shaped flash drives, and James Bond would have missed it.

The only reason I was inspired to tell this story, was the fact that Cousin was beyond words, and was infinitely impressed. I personally did not think anything of it, it was just another normal night for us.

We would make a great recon sniper team...