A Great Way to Lose Weight, If You're Not Already Fat

What have I been wasting my time in bars for?

I just got into rock climbing earlier this summer. At first I sucked. It was less of me climbing and more of someone using a pulley system to hoist me until I was dangling 50 feet in the air. Which is kind of gross because I had 105 pound girls scaling right past me.

I'll die in a grease fire before I let a girl be better than me at anything.

I kept at it and in a matter of just a few visits back to the wall I was ok. I did not completely suck which I'm told was progress.

I slowly started to realize rock climbing is the perfect sport. Why? Oh, its so simple.

Fat people can't climb! By people I mean girls. And by can't I mean I don't want you to. I invite all the fat guys in the world to attempt to rock climb, I'll get a good laugh when you fall and your fat ass looks like a wrecking ball coming in for the final blow. Maybe you'll dent the wall and leave a nice feature I can use next time I climb and make it more than 4 feet off the ground. Too bad you didn't make it to the top, that's where I put all my left over bacon cheeseburgers.

Enough of that, I'm being mean.

You only see cut sexy girls at the wall. Hour glass bodies without the I'm-a-huge-twat-who-has-a-personality-about-as-fake-as-my-tits sort of attitude. Which is nice, because even girls that are nice to look at usually end up being difficult to talk to. That's why I find it so hard to be friends with girls. Not because I just want to bang them, but they say the dumbest things and I feel like the only way to get them to shutup is to stick my dick in one of their holes. People call it sex, I call it making the best out of my situation.

However, through some stroke of luck these girls found a hobby, which means they know how to talk about something besides how their last boyfriend/hookup/dude they thought was a "nice guy" just fucked their best friend.

Keep that self esteem low girls