The Older You Are, The Harder They Fall

I noticed something the other day. It's rather obvious and a really well known fact of life, however, I feel like it helps explain a lot of what has been happening to me lately.

Girls love older men.

Women look for security in and about their relationships. Older men are able to provide that security. Lucky for us, it is all relative, and case by case. 18 year old girls love guys who can buy beer, has a nice job (in this case he might manage a snowball stand or "model" for Hollister), and access to a car. But as they get older, and let's take my age for example (22), they start searching for someone with more conventional wealth. A nicer car, promising job at Morgan Stanley, and a sweet pad will do the trick. These are things 25 or 26 year olds are sporting. Not me.

I always wondered why it was so difficult for me to break girls my age but every 18 or 19 year old I hooked up with couldn't resist me. I know I'm charming, but shit, have some self respect.

My friend's mom of all people brought it together for me. I always complained about how hard it was for me to get action from all the bars in town. I mean I pull it off, but some girls look at me like I told them I have full blown aids when they hear I haven't graduated from college yet. I'm barely 22, if that makes me a horrible person wait until you hear a few of my other stories.

When I'm 25 it won't even be fair, resistance will be futile, but for now it's an uphill climb. If I want an easy go, I have two options. Any single woman over 30 or any girl under 19.

Women over 30 are already established and have the security they need to live a "comfortable life". Either they have a steady job, a good career, or they divorced their first/second/third husband and get floated a fat check every month. When they go to bars they are looking for a "good time", they would use match.com if they were looking for anything serious. They know that men in their early 20's can't control themselves and are slaves to the copious hormones coursing through their bodies. We become an easy target.

Girls under 19 are just dumb. I don't have acne, I go to the gym a few times a week, I own my own business, and I have a car. Plus, I can buy beer, huge bonus right there. I go to any high school party I will always, as long as Robert Pattinson doesn't show up, have my pick of the litter.

Probably should watch out for Justin Bieber as well.