Stop Talking.. You Sound Stupid

There is one thing you never want to get into an argument with me over, and that would be food. Whether it is "who is going to get the last slice", "why do you fold your pizza in half", or "do you really only make pizza references?". It's asking for trouble. I won't hesitate to deliver a solid kidney shot straight to your front porch.

Get the image of the typical overweight untrimmed narcissist American out of your head. I'm 6'2", 185 pounds, and I have a gym membership card attached to my key chain. (On second thought, I'm super narcissistic)

I just love to cook. Besides helping me get laid, its a skill that makes my food taste like an orgasm on the beach and I have come to perfect it. Life would not be worth living without food.

Which is exactly why I went off on a girl today who insulted one of the most perfect culinary creations of all time: the chicken wing

Me - [mentions all you can eat wing night]
Girl - OMG. I want wings!!! As long as they are boneless. I love wings!!!
Me - Boneless?!? thats blasphemy.. You don't like wings (delicious, tender, and deep fried to perfection). You are thinking of chicken nuggets (processed garbage coated in stale bread crumbs).
Girl - You can get boneless wings. I get them at Buffalo Wild Wings. I don't like the bones because I don't like dark meat. I also don't like the bloody veins or whatever. Eww. And, the boneless are easier to eat!!
Me - There is no such thing. Since your mother obviously thought it was okay to put Jack Daniels in your bottles, I'll try and make this simple for you.

Logic:
Chickens have wings
All wings have bones in them
Chicken wings have bones

Chicken nuggets are glorified chicken wings. They disguise themselves in wing sauce and try to live up to the magnificent miracle of life that is the chicken wing. I am clever enough to not get suckered by their deceitful games..

She'll be lucky if I put out tonight..