A Real Man's "To Do" List -- To Hell With The Dry Cleaning

It's time to start filling your to-do list with errands you look forward to. Why pick your kids up from soccer practice? Mia Hamm can do a sweet bicycle kick, and when she gets sweaty it won't fuck up the leather in your Porsche Carrera (which is what you drive when you don't have children). And who wants to wash the car when Megan Foxx is already waxed and ready to go?

So what if I am dreaming. Reality sucks and if, to avoid being labeled as an alcoholic, I have to wait until 5 everyday to pour my first glass of scotch, then I'm going to help myself to a big fat glass of fantasy juice. Join me or fuck off!

1.) Taylor Swift -- This is my dream girl. As the wise Usher once said the best kind of woman is a "lady in the street, but a freak in the bed". She is obviously a passionate girl, and I would bet my bottom love story that Taylor knows how to make a man forget about all the skanks who got drunk enough to want to sleep with you in your college days. But in all seriousness, my favorite type of a girl is one you can bring home to Mom, that is... if she puts down her cigarette and miller lite bottle long enough to have a conversation. But I digress.

2.) Isabel Lucas -- Any girl that can get on Michael Bay's roster is ok in my book. Replacing his stud QB, Foxx, the rookie Isabel was bumped up to the first string, and Bay has never looked back. And you can't blame him, toe thumbs are gross! Isabel Lucas was an easy choice for the number two slot, keep it up girl, being hot seems to be working out for you!

3.) Mila Kunis -- It's time to put That 70's Show behind us. We all had an awkward phase, and I can't hold that against her. This girl (after a little plastic surgery) grew into her own, and once she ditched that Kelso loser, who reminded me of every guy in high school that I wanted to euthanize for the betterment of society, she got super hot. And bronze is definitely her color, taking the LTANP 3rd place medal.

Got to get started. A daunting to-do list indeed, but hey I'm awesome, I can't say that I'm worried...