He's Acting Like An Idiot -- And She Likes It Because She's A Whore

In a relationship most people tend to get lazy, stop giving a shit, and end up looking like a greasy, fat, disgusting version of something that ate their old self. Being interesting and suave becomes about as foreign to you as Chinese and you look like a drunk Russian pedophile every time you try and "bust one of your moves". So, being that I finally tunneled my way into prison and found a girl I want to spend more than 3 days of my life with, I try and exercise my awesome muscle and still go out to parties and mingle with the "cool kids", to avoid becoming the overly dependent commitment junkie I have nightmares about.

However, the party that I walked head first into the other night only made me realize how much I love being myself (seriously, my self respect is at an all time high right now). I got invited to a "party" by one of Girlfriend's friends and as the three of us walked up the staircase to his apartment, I almost choked on the stench of what smelled like Indian food and marijuana. We hear loud music coming from apartment D voiding the need to double check the address, and we just walk in. However, it seems as if no one is there.

We investigate further to find about six or so bro's playing beer pong on what looks like a table they fashioned out of a door and some old kegs. They macgyver'd the shit out of the entire party, with the only place to sit being a cabinet they turned on it's side. A few girls show up as the night progresses, but what was suppose to be a party turned out to be a lightly veiled booty call. The (one other) girl that showed up only brought her friend so she wouldn't look like a loser walking in alone, and was obviously just there to "get some" from one of the members of the apartment, that should have been condemned as a brothel.

As the night went on, the girl's target became apparent. And he was by far the dumbest of the bunch. I figure if players, the whores of manhood, target dumb girls with daddy issues, why wouldn't whores, the players of womanhood, target the dumbest guys they could find with mommy issues. It sort of made sense.

But, besides chalking it up to "hey, I could do worse" I could not explain the attraction between these two parties at all. The girl was average and the guy was a moron... at best... He looked "slimy", as Girlfriend described him, as we hung out perched in the corner, mercilessly judging everyone.

The dude had, and I did the math on this, enough grease in his hair to kill eight baby seals, was wearing an Abercrombie button down but with the sleeves cut off, which I am pretty sure he freshly cut off sometime during the events of the evening using only his sharp wit and brute strength. His cum/beer/piss stained athletic shorts, which have probably never been washed or been used to do anything athletic (only judging from the lite-beer belly), went great with the rest of his outfit. Sizing him up against his friends, they went on to prove you are the company you keep, and all of them spent, only God truly knows how long, fist pumping, doing exaggerated uncoordinated movements that somewhat resembled dancing, and spilling Natural light all over their apartment.

HOW DO THESE PEOPLE LIVE WITH THEMSELVES?!?

Call me whatever you want, but I prefer some awesome conversation, having an adventure you proudly tell your friends about the next day, good beer, and people who know how to formulate sentences that don't substitute periods for "brooooo".

Anyone with me?...