I am on the Van Wilder plan.
I intend to be in college for as long as possible. Everyone I know that has graduated is miserable. The real world sucks.
As soon as you get a "real" job, if you are unhappy. Guess what?!? Too bad!
No matter how terrible life gets in college, you always have hope. Hope, because things can change.
If you hate your life after college, don't google how to tie a gallows knot just yet! You could always win the lottery.. I guess...
Bad decisions are so much fun, college provides me with ample opportunity to make those...
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Why it Sucks to be Cute
According to an article I just read. The human brain associates the word "cute" with a billion different things. That being said. Cute is common.
Common sucks. Why do people want diamonds? They're rare. You could get a nice ruby for a fraction of the price.
Keep that jawline sharp fellas!
Dont be a ruby... Rubies don't get laid...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Shit... What Was Your Name Again?
My friend is writing yet another piece, I have been approached to input some ideas on her topic: "Sex is to men, what attention is to women".
Men like sex. Men love sex. It is no mystery, and I am sorry, but it is not up for debate either. But what makes one girl different from the other? As I like to say "it's all pink on the inside". Once the lights are off and your liver is saturated with alcohol what is the big difference?
Why does John stop having sex with Susan and now want to have sex with Tiffany? Well, Susan probably started texting him everyday with stupid little smiley faces attached at the end of every sentence. Even her Hi's and Bye's had a <3 or :) lingering at the end for no reason. She is what has been coined as a stage 5 clinger.
Tiffany however flirts with John. He thinks he may have a chance, but isn't sure. There is that novelty there. The carrot on the end of the fishing pole, that is just out of reach. If she always gives him just enough attention to give him blue balls everytime she sees him, he'll keep coming back for more and more abuse.
But what happens when John's just can't stand being kicked in the balls any longer and he finally gives up on Tiffany?
Tiffany has a lovely condition I love to exploit known as female insecurity.
This phenomena basically states: A women seeks validation from men through the attention he gives her in his conquest for sex.
However it works both ways. A man also seeks validation through having sex with as many of the most attractive women he can.
You would think the two parts of that equation match up. However we are playing a zero sum game here, and it is all thanks to human nature at it's finest.
People want what they can't have. Women know this better than men.
So while Tiffany is only looking for attention (her validation) she also knows that what John wants is sex (his validation). She knows that once she has sex with him and receives his validation he may no longer need her. John would have his carrot and Tiffany would be left in the dust. Women will lead men on for essentially as long as the poor strappy fellow will put up with the psychological torment.
So, now that John is tired of having his balls look like he just t-bagged a member of the blue man group he has given up on Tiffany and starts talking to Susan again.
Susan who swore off John after he began following Tiffany around like a lion stalking a tasty gazelle, will gladly take him back because she wants to validate herself once again to prove she is prettier, smarter, sexier, yadda yadda yadda. Basically she wants to be better than Tiffany, who she thinks is a dumb slut.
Now Tiffany begins to ponder a few things...
1.) Why did John stop talking to me?
2.) Who is this Susan girl?
3.) Is she prettier than me?
No Tiffany she probably is not. But hey, she puts out!
Tiffany lost what use to validate her and protect her from her insecurities. She wants to prove there is no way Susan, who Tiffany thinks is a vicious whore, is prettier than her and she begins to up her game. She cuts the mild flirting and goes for the kill.
She is going to put out this time, if John wants to dance. And honestly, we have all seen this movie before, same plot everytime, just different actors.
When the man stops trying to pry open the gates they sort of just fall off the hinges.
When two people start "talking" we enter into trench warfare. It is a long grueling battle of attrition, and whoever steps out of the trenches first gets picked off faster than a pass thrown by Brett Farve.
There are always the skeptics though. I talked to a few of my friends to get their opinion on the matter. I weeded out the guys that have no clue what they are talking about, giving me:
"uhh, well yeah, you know, men are from mars and women are from, uh venus"
Ok, sage wisdom, but let's talk about something else before I start to hate you.
My one friend made a good point though:
"What about me, I never have sex" (which is sadly true.. nice guy too, which is probably his problem).
I made a better point:
If you had sex with a gorgeous girl, would you not feel great about it? If you were walking down Make Believe Lane with all your friends and you all cross paths with a hot girl that grabs you from the crowd, and takes you back to her place. Would you not feel like you were somehow above all your friends? I'm not saying you would walk out of her apartment, house, brothel, or wherever she may live and be a huge douche, but you'd have a new air about you, at least for a while.
Women are the same way. Women that receive a lot of attention from guys, act a certain way, talk a certain way, and you can just feel it when you get close to them. That is why some men just are automatically intimidated by a hot, well dressed, confident women. They know they already receive all the validation they need, and they start to question what they can really offer them.
Any guy can walk up to a fat girl and be confident about it. They know that their level of self esteem is statistically a bit lower. They are hungry for attention, and any attention they receive just goes that much further because they are starving for it. I hate using fat girls as an example here because there are so many better and more creative groups of people I could offend, but it gets the point across.
You've got to shit on the hotties, and show the fatties some love
Men like sex. Men love sex. It is no mystery, and I am sorry, but it is not up for debate either. But what makes one girl different from the other? As I like to say "it's all pink on the inside". Once the lights are off and your liver is saturated with alcohol what is the big difference?
Why does John stop having sex with Susan and now want to have sex with Tiffany? Well, Susan probably started texting him everyday with stupid little smiley faces attached at the end of every sentence. Even her Hi's and Bye's had a <3 or :) lingering at the end for no reason. She is what has been coined as a stage 5 clinger.
Tiffany however flirts with John. He thinks he may have a chance, but isn't sure. There is that novelty there. The carrot on the end of the fishing pole, that is just out of reach. If she always gives him just enough attention to give him blue balls everytime she sees him, he'll keep coming back for more and more abuse.
But what happens when John's just can't stand being kicked in the balls any longer and he finally gives up on Tiffany?
Tiffany has a lovely condition I love to exploit known as female insecurity.
This phenomena basically states: A women seeks validation from men through the attention he gives her in his conquest for sex.
However it works both ways. A man also seeks validation through having sex with as many of the most attractive women he can.
You would think the two parts of that equation match up. However we are playing a zero sum game here, and it is all thanks to human nature at it's finest.
People want what they can't have. Women know this better than men.
So while Tiffany is only looking for attention (her validation) she also knows that what John wants is sex (his validation). She knows that once she has sex with him and receives his validation he may no longer need her. John would have his carrot and Tiffany would be left in the dust. Women will lead men on for essentially as long as the poor strappy fellow will put up with the psychological torment.
So, now that John is tired of having his balls look like he just t-bagged a member of the blue man group he has given up on Tiffany and starts talking to Susan again.
Susan who swore off John after he began following Tiffany around like a lion stalking a tasty gazelle, will gladly take him back because she wants to validate herself once again to prove she is prettier, smarter, sexier, yadda yadda yadda. Basically she wants to be better than Tiffany, who she thinks is a dumb slut.
Now Tiffany begins to ponder a few things...
1.) Why did John stop talking to me?
2.) Who is this Susan girl?
3.) Is she prettier than me?
No Tiffany she probably is not. But hey, she puts out!
Tiffany lost what use to validate her and protect her from her insecurities. She wants to prove there is no way Susan, who Tiffany thinks is a vicious whore, is prettier than her and she begins to up her game. She cuts the mild flirting and goes for the kill.
She is going to put out this time, if John wants to dance. And honestly, we have all seen this movie before, same plot everytime, just different actors.
When the man stops trying to pry open the gates they sort of just fall off the hinges.
When two people start "talking" we enter into trench warfare. It is a long grueling battle of attrition, and whoever steps out of the trenches first gets picked off faster than a pass thrown by Brett Farve.
There are always the skeptics though. I talked to a few of my friends to get their opinion on the matter. I weeded out the guys that have no clue what they are talking about, giving me:
"uhh, well yeah, you know, men are from mars and women are from, uh venus"
Ok, sage wisdom, but let's talk about something else before I start to hate you.
My one friend made a good point though:
"What about me, I never have sex" (which is sadly true.. nice guy too, which is probably his problem).
I made a better point:
If you had sex with a gorgeous girl, would you not feel great about it? If you were walking down Make Believe Lane with all your friends and you all cross paths with a hot girl that grabs you from the crowd, and takes you back to her place. Would you not feel like you were somehow above all your friends? I'm not saying you would walk out of her apartment, house, brothel, or wherever she may live and be a huge douche, but you'd have a new air about you, at least for a while.
Women are the same way. Women that receive a lot of attention from guys, act a certain way, talk a certain way, and you can just feel it when you get close to them. That is why some men just are automatically intimidated by a hot, well dressed, confident women. They know they already receive all the validation they need, and they start to question what they can really offer them.
Any guy can walk up to a fat girl and be confident about it. They know that their level of self esteem is statistically a bit lower. They are hungry for attention, and any attention they receive just goes that much further because they are starving for it. I hate using fat girls as an example here because there are so many better and more creative groups of people I could offend, but it gets the point across.
You've got to shit on the hotties, and show the fatties some love
Friday, October 1, 2010
I Throw my Hands up in The Air Sometimes!!! Saying AYOOO
Show of hands: Do you ever feel unusually good for no reason? Yeah, today is one of those days for me. Nothing particular happened.
Why can't I feel like this everyday? I think someone slipped opium into my coffee or I had one too many poppy seed bagels.
Whatever!
I'm not going to skip class today, rather I'll be skipping to it!
Don't try and stop me...
Why can't I feel like this everyday? I think someone slipped opium into my coffee or I had one too many poppy seed bagels.
Whatever!
I'm not going to skip class today, rather I'll be skipping to it!
Don't try and stop me...
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