Then there are nights like last night...
The saddest part about yesterday was that I would have to wake up today and there is no way that I will be able to come close to the amount of epic that was the 6th of November, 2010.
I started the day off with my normal expectations on how my day should go (awesome). Ask any of my friends and they will all tell you I am up for anything, anywhere, anytime. I do not care about consequences, or having to deal with them, that is what God invented "later" for. With lots of luck, even you can survive living this lifestyle for a few years. Contingent on luck, You will not regret it. That mindset is what brought about this day, and it was one decision that changed the course of all events to come, shaping my entire night.
Now, at first I was just asked to go see a movie with a girl I am "talking" to. Whatever they call it these days. But, bottom line, I'm being a good boy, and respecting the numerous threats from her friends and family that if they see me with another girl ill be castrated on the spot without question nor trial. I'm not intimidated by her brother, who is the primary issuer of most of the threats on my life, but he is a good six inches taller then me, so there is a good bit of respect I have to dish out here.
It was sort of like a double date, BC (the girl), her brother (my murderer to be), and his wife (who I adore) all went out to see the movie Due Date. Basing my opinion off the trailer, which was a 10 second clip of Zack Galifianakis asleep and driving a car off a bridge, I went in with low expectations, but my boy, Robert Downy Jr. delivered as always. I have a new favorite movie.
We all walked over to the Starbucks nexts to the theater after the movie. The wife invited me to a free concert later that day at a venue downtown. Concerts are not really my scene, but drinking is, so taking about as much time as it would to blink I weighed my options and agreed to come.
Making my way downtown around 6, I already felt like I was late to drinking. Wife was waiting for me with Brother and Buddy (Wife's brother). Wasting no time I was greeted with a beer before I could even find a space to sit in the make shift living room that consisted of a TV about the size of my head and a couple stained couches. It had the feel of a frat house without the douche bag's and the posters of half naked girls. BC immediately took the front as the topic of the night. I feel like, well, I am in a huge web of BC's friends and family, so it was no surprise to me that she came up as soon as she did. Buddy was my roommate for a while, whose sister is Wife that I became friends with, and her husband is Brother who, as mentioned earlier, is BC's brother. I know it's a mouth full, but the dynamic of relationships is important here, because Brother is far enough away from being in close ties with me that he would without hesitation chop off my head, suffering from zero remorse, and his wife bound by marriage would have to help him hide the body. Being that I was hardly a head's throw away from the Baltimore inner harbor, I felt like he could get away pretty clean, the polluted toxic water that makes up the harbor probably has bacteria in it that is unknown to man and I'm sure a few billion of them are probably the flesh eating breed that would dissolve my body in minutes.
This being the case, I bought him a token of peace once we arrived at the venue (beer). As soon as a man buys another man a beer, I feel like he at least has to give me a warning and a 3 second head start if he ever decides to, or has a strong urge to inflict bodily harm upon me.
Luckily, the focus shifted away from BC and toward the Band. I had never heard of the guy that was playing that night. Frank Turner was his name. I immediately grew to like him. He has sort of like a Jack Johnson meets Britain meets drinking songs. I love most of those things, and being a little drunk I pulled everyone to the front of the stage.
He gets through a few songs, and I am starting to like this scene. He asks for a volunteer. My hand goes up but I don't realize it. He points at me to join him on stage. I stare at him blankly, sort of shocked. He points at me again and this time I join him on stage.
This is awesome. I love being the center of attention and this is the creamy caramel center of attention!
Frank - "What's your name"
Me - "Tasty"
Frank - "Give it up for Tasty"
The crowd cheers. I throw my hands in the air. My heart races as I look over a good 300 faces all cheering for me. This must be what narcissistic heaven is like.
Frank - "You are pretty brave, you have no idea what you just volunteered for"
Me - "Nope, and I am drunk as hell, so throw whatever you've got at me"
He pulled a shiny object out of his pocket. It's a harmonica... Oh god, I have never played a harmonica before, and I am musically impaired, please do not ask me to play it.
Frank - "You know what this is?"
Me - "Looks like a harmonica"
Frank - "You know what you do with it?"
Me - "You blow"
Frank - "...and suck"
Me - "Right"
He points to the mic next to me, and informs me that I will not only be playing the harmonica with him during the next song, I will be playing a solo.
A band I have been listening to for maybe 15 minutes, a song I have never heard before in my life, holding an instrument I have never played, in front of hundreds of people, drunk as hell..
Perfect, let's go!
I take my spot in front of the mic. Not even remotely ready for what is going to happen next. A meteor could come crashing into the venue and I think I would be ok with it. My heart is pumping like I just ran a triathlon and then immediately did a line of cocaine off the stage.
I let my instincts take over. I take off my sweatshirt and throw it into the crowd, I hear a few more cheers (luckily Wife caught it, I like that jacket).
The song starts. (Right click here, open the link in a new window, then continue reading)
I feel like I need to contribute to the stage presence so I start to jump up and down and clap along with the song. Then a minute and five seconds later, felt more like a fort night, Frank shoots me a look and I press the harmonica against the mic and do as I was instructed. I start to suck and blow, expecting the worst.
Hold on... for some reason the sounds leaving the harmonica fit perfectly to the song. It was like RockBand for Xbox 360, and I was pushing all the right buttons.
My solo ends, and Wife tells me later she heard people muttering that I was actually really good.
I keep going after my solo is through. I am a prodigy after all, and I set myself up to finish strong, holding the last note as long as my intoxicated lungs could and slowly dip down on my knees.
Huge cheers break out, and I finally see the appeal of being a rock star.
Bro hug from Frank and I leave the stage, but not before he fed my ego one last little treat...
Frank - "That was by far the best harmonica solo I have ever heard"
Yeah, that is right Frank, don't you forget it.
As I walk back to my friends I get pats on the back, shoves (that I guess were shoves of encouragement... or jealousy) and high fives (from all the people that still do that at 25).
Now, on most nights my personal opinion of myself is usually pretty inflated. Tonight was like someone took my ego, and sent it into anaphylactic shock.
How could this night get any better?
Go see Daniel Tosh. We left the venue downtown, and headed straight to the Lyric Opera house where my friend had bought tickets for us months ago. Only Buddy and Wife came along for part 3.
Hours of laughing later.
Brother pisses off Wife, and it's only Buddy and I for part 4
We make our way to enjoy the best pizza in Baltimore City. A Greasy orgasm and the icing on the cake.
I get home. No DUI.
I lay down on my couch and close my eyes. Wondering why I live this insanely epic life and get away with it.
There are people in other countries that all they do is live, starve, and die. Or get eaten by a lion, or catch some easily curable disease and die from something that would take what a cup of coffee costs to prevent.
I can't believe I get away with this shit.
I love being me...
Posts
